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bank statement

9th of Nov, 2007ce* in: diary

sometimes Japan is, well, nuts.

I went to the bank to get a statement on my account a few days ago, only to be told by a rather squat gentleman with dangerous nosehair that they can’t give me a statement. I was told to use the internet instead. Considering citibank’s internet banking is a joke, I told them to shove the site where the sun doesn’t shine and let me talk to an account advisor. Eventually I got to floor 2 of the shibuya citibank building, sidestepping the festooning nose haired gentleman who had up until this point been blocking my way, thanks to a silent but proactive member of staff. I was handed a ticket, special access!!

On level two of citibank I took my seat and waited my turn. After a few minutes I was allowed to talk to a human being who promptly informed me that they don’t “do” statements. The human being raised her arms to form the giant X symbol of no. Recognising this symbol to mean that I should get angry and pursue my right to a statement on my account, I turned my Japanese up a dial and demanded a statement or I would close my account. The human being had now lost the power of speech, and was being controlled remotely by robot using invisible wires, they collectively decided to print me a statement. Although, the beauty of this is they still had the last laugh… I wasn’t allowed to take it with me.